thus making me awesome and them whores
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i think i just naturally attract stoners
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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