So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
