This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
