Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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