found the other keg... it's in the tree
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
