So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
