I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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