i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
