I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
