i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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