I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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