Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
