I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
