Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Randomize
