I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
