My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
