im having a threesome with these popsicles
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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