C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can't turn off my feet"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
