also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
