Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize