I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize