my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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