She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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