Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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