So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
