I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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