On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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