I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
