It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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