he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you would pick up someone in the library
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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