I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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