Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
