i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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