I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Congratulations! We have a period
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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