you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
