after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
