Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
