I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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