one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
