my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
