so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
