Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
someone owes me an orgasm
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
