I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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