she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
