he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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