You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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