he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
