We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
