I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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