she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
