Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
