Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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