So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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