My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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