I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
