So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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