i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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