Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He better not be in your backpack
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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