You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
