Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
