a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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