i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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