if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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