I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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