I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
