just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
