If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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