I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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