I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
