turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
