He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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