frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
