Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I am available for nakedness
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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