I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
