Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
