i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
