who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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