soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize