batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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