I'm laying in your front yard are you home
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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