she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
