I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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