Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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