That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
