had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
