You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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