i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
