All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
