If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
