i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
