my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
