I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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