Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
