College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
