Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
