Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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