I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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