he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
