I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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